The article, which paints our generation with fairly broad brushstrokes and suggests that none of us are capable of having a successful marriage due to some generalizations which Anthony seems to think that everyone our age shares. It is worth noting that Anthony is divorced after a marriage which began in 2012.
In this article, I will outline his points and give my own opinions in return. I welcome your thoughts in the comments below.
1. Sex becomes almost non-existent.
In this point, Anthony discusses the virtual inevitability of a sexless marriage. “Instead, we have sex once every couple weeks, or when it’s time to get pregnant. It becomes this chore. You no longer look at your partner wanting to rip their clothes off, but rather instead, dread the thought. That’s not crazy to you?”
Now, I am not married yet, but I have parents and grandparents who have been married for decades. Not that anyone wants to think about their parents being intimate, but I can say with confidence that lack of affection is not an issue for them. The statements Anthony makes here are presented as universal and factual, where the reality is they are just not.
He goes on to suggest that visual stigma around us such as ‘half naked’ photos will cause us to become less attracted to our spouse. I never use “lol” when writing articles, but the only thing I can say to this is…lol.
Anyone who is familiar with my writing knows that I spend a lot of my time discussing the importance of keeping the romance alive even in a long term relationship. This means continuing to date each other, show your appreciation, doing the little things, and stoking the fire. Yes, that very much includes sex too.
I do not want to point fingers at anyone, but if one’s marriage becomes sexless (while they are still in their 20’s, no less…) one may want to hold off on suggesting that every other married couple eventually meets the same fate. It is simply not true.
2. Finances cripple us.
Anthony continues: “Years ago, it didn’t cost upward of $200,000 for an education. It also didn’t cost $300,000-plus for a home. The cost of living was very different than what it is now. You’d be naive to believe this stress doesn’t cause strain on marriages today.”
You’re right, Anthony! And I myself have taken this into consideration repeatedly. I have recently more deeply understood the importance of developing a savings and putting money aside during our youth – but I have always had the desire to be financially comfortable before getting married.
Regardless of savings, though, financial challenges are a reality of life whether you are single or married. They are part of the journey and one of the challenges that a couple decides they are going to face together.
This is an interesting statement from Anthony: “Part of life is being able to live. Not having the finances to do so takes away yet another important aspect of our relationships. It keeps us inside, forced to see the life everyone else is living.”
His closing words suggest that not everyone is facing these financial hardships. Not everyone needs to sacrifice going out to dinner in order to pay the mortgage. Not everyone needs to choose between clothes or food for their children. Do many people? Yes, unfortunately. Does everyone? No. Another reason to not play into these damaging generalizations.
3. We’re more connected than ever before, but we’re completely disconnected at the same time.
This is a good one. Anthony says:
“Let’s face it, the last time you “spoke” to the person you love, you didn’t even hear their voice. You could be at work, the gym, maybe with the kids at soccer. You may even be in the same room. You told your wife you made dinner reservations … through a text message. Your husband had flowers delivered to your job … through an app on his phone. You both searched for furnishings for your new home … on Pinterest. There’s no physical connection attached to anything anymore.”
As my English friends would say, what a load of bollocks. Forgive me for saying this but I am starting to feel like I am reading a jaded rant from someone who had a negative experience and is projecting his shortcomings on to the rest of us.
Some of us really listen to the person we love. Some of us understand the difference between using technology as a convenience, and completely relying on it. Some of us do still develop deep emotional connections with the person we love.
If you don’t do that, that is why a marriage will fail. Not because you made dinner reservations via text. Give me a break.