Sex Isn’t (and Shouldn’t) Be Perfect
“We have a tendency to believe that good partners magically get it right,” says sex educator Logan Levkoff, Ph.D. “That good sex isn’t at all awkward and people magically know what to do with your body.” Well, that’s false. Not only should sex be fun and playful, but it also shouldn’t be censored and structured into this glamorous ideal. Plus, those really real moments are the ones that bring you closer. “You may not remember the strongest orgasm you’ve ever had, but you’ll remember the time you fell off the bed because you were so into it that you didn’t realize you were on the edge,” says Levkoff.
You Can Make Your Own Passion
If you haven’t figured it out by now, real sex lives aren’t usually filled with the same have-to-have-you-right-this-second spice that you see in rom-coms. We love those plotlines too, but so many women think that kind of intense passion is something they’ll just stumble upon, says sex therapist Brandy Engler, Ph.D., author of The Men On My Couch. They wish for spontaneous desire, but they don’t realize they can cultivate it on their own, says Engler. “No one is just walking around having passion all the time.” That said, you can boost the passion in your relationship by tuning into your emotions and bringing them out in your sex life. “Passion is an emotionally expressive person in bed,” says Engler. So whether you’re feeling excited, happy, or angry, let yourself feel those emotions during sex to keep it alive and present.
You Don’t Need to Be Experienced To Have Great Sex
You can be an amazing lover whether you’ve had two partners or twelve. “There is no such thing as being advanced at sex,” says Levkoff. “It doesn’t make a difference how much experience you’ve had in the past.” What matters is how you’re approaching the present experience—right now. Don’t get caught up in wondering if you’re prepared or skilled enough—it’s sex, not Top Chef. SEE MORE ON PAGE2