Emotional Unavailability By Busola Adedire


???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????The term ‘emotional unavailability’ is one that had been hovering over my subconscious for the past few months or so. After a series of personal struggles, I decided to sit and own up to the truth, and it was not a surprising one either. It turned out that all this while I have also been executing the signs and symptoms of an emotionally unavailable individual.You see, confronting this truth was not easy but I believe one of the fastest ways to grow is learning to take responsibility for one’s mistakes. At the times when I thought about this term, I was quite oblivious of its depth; all I could identify with was its meaning at a surface level. So, off I ran to Google to check what this was all about.“Emotionally unavailable” is used to describe those who create barriers between themselves and others in an effort to avoid emotional intimacy. Walls, fronts, false confidence, over-independence, arrogance, ‘workaholism’, escaping and shutting down are some of the traits that depict an emotionally unavailable person, and other traits could run as deep as insecurities, low self-esteem, fear of rejection, mental instability, abuse and flawed childhood relationships. Whichever way, it is neither a good nor bad trait. In fact, most of these individuals come off as logical and highly intellectual but it could be frustrating getting a meaningful friendship or relationship out of them. Book smart is one thing, emotional intelligence is yet another! The impact of ‘emotional unavailability’ can be felt most in relationships as relationships with them are often depressing and distressing, so their partners end up feeling neglected, unloved and unwanted. SEE MORE ON NEXT PAGE

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