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“Why I Danced Hold-Tight With Obasanjo” – Patience Jonathan Speaks

Mommyyyy… you mellow this morning o. Hope nothing dey pa?.How far mommy. This one wey you call me so for early mor mor
 Sharraap. You nor happy I call you?. I hia say you rite buku say Waiting for myhosbans to die. Na which womans dey wait for im hosbans to peme?. Na wa for you and dat buku. You go sell so?
Haba madam. How you take don hia nah… I be wan ask make you waka come be Chief Launcher na! But you jus comot word for my mouth
Dat your smelly smelly maut. You dey aks me who tells me. You forget say I be feslady. I dey hia eferythins about my friends

Eyyaaahh!!! So I be your friend. You come leave me go waka dey dance with baba Iyabo. Na wa o, madam. You fall my hand sha. Friends don’t let friends dance with retired Presidents na.

Jebose if I slap you?. Idiot. I say you be nonsense pikins. Scaliwag like you. Make me I dance with you?. Church rat of Onicha Ugbo. Hmmm. It is not your folt o. I swear. Na me carry my Etisalat begin call your yeye China made Nokia flipu fone. Alakoba

Madam the tin wey pain me be say you come dey hold baba iyabo tight sef for dance floor. I beg where Oga Jonathan dey wey you dey tap agbalagba current?
Oloriburuku omo ale. If i hole am nkor. Na only me waka come nah. Jebose, wetinkonsan you if i dance hole tait with Daddi Iyabo. I say wetin konsan you. You nor be my hosbans. Or you be my boi frens?.Mscheeww.. which kain korent you say Itabu… baba nor get korent o.  
Eh. Madam cool down nah. Make I talk my own. Body just dey pain me. How old man go dey gbadun you like dat and I dey hia dey dream and provoke.
Jelosi don kee Jebose. I go report you to Alhaja. Daleru. You wan scatter my hause. I beg wetin you get. Wai I go dance with you?. You wey be Common reporter. You nor get agbara reach baba OBJ. You nor be former presidence of Naija two timeses. One wey be soja boy and the other be civilian presidence wey we waka enterdemocrasi. You nor get money. You nor sabi plenty peoples. You nor getkorneshion… Common buy recharge card for your yeye Glo line, you nor get money for recharge. Your fine gel pikin still dey drink SMA made in Alaba. Make you hianau. Baba Iyabo na im get Naija. Na only him fit tell EFCC make dem free me and my hosbans Jonathan. Baba Iyabo be power and privilege. You na jus gbeborun. So anyhow baba want, I go dash am. If your bodi dey pain you, go aks your papa PMB make im give you APC melesine. See as una dabaru Nigeria since your papa come with  jibiti shange. I beg Jebose, levu don shange. Free me. Let me be. Daddi Iyabobe my latest bes frens. If you like you can go and die. I nor send you.

Hia… mommy so na so you go take do me. Remember sha, no condition is permanent o. I fit be President tomorrow
Hehehehehehe…makeuna see Jebose O… Egba mi O. You, be President tomorrow?. Make you sidon dia dey wait for tomorrow nah. Your own kondishion napamanence becos since I sabi you, you never shange: You still dey live for that your foolish face me, I face you room and parlor for Mushin, dey que for 4a.m in themorin to go shit and baff becos na only one toilet and baffroom dey for the face me I face you hause. And you don live for the same hause since I sabi you. So your ownkondishion dey pamanence

Madam, God dey O. All this dance you are sharing, Dia is Allah O
Which Allah? Omashe o. So Alhaja don konvashion you to Muslim?. Eyyaahh. Your own don finish. No wonder I see dat foto wey you be like Almajiri for Kano. No wonder you dey follow PMB. You see unaself?. Pesin nor see pentro. Nigerians dey sofa. Your broda, Kachikwu wey dem put in charge of our oyel say im nor bemajishan… Nigerians nor get eletriciti to charge fone. Pentro nor dey to enjoi life ni ile wa. God don ponish una wey comot my hosban. Una don see shange nah. Very soon una go begin see credit. I beg I wan call Daddi Iyabo make I see where the nest parry dey so I go dance with am. Jebose, comot for my fone, I beg. Gerraaauutt.

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